A man slightly bewildered by his good fortune. God has been kind.
So I heard that CAK wanted Safaricom to share its mpesa agents network with rivals, so that the YU deal can be confirmed. I have never laughed that hard in a long time – “you must allow Arsenal score a goal, you simply can’t be allowed to score 6 goals – it’s unconstitutional”
For a man to admit to trying to mix French rum, Kerninget sparkling water and lime juice for an evening drink, after a long day, is not only foolish, it can only be seen as a cry for help, and an unrelenting display of bravery – in the face of what can be described as an unforgiving and judgemental Kenyan blogosphere (where the standards of citizen journalism – infotainment, if you will, are as high as the chastity of a Polish nun – beyond question)
A man drinks such a drink in private silence. He reposes himself in the poorly furnished 1 bedroom apartment (that he suspects is going to come down in a muffled thump not loud enough to stir his poor neighbours from their nocturnal carnal misadventures and relationship negotiations).
A man conducts the pouring of these three separately harmless (but in unison potent) elements in the same fashion a German engineer would calibrate a Mercedes Benz engine, there’s no room for mistakes. The parts must be just right, otherwise this solitary enterprise would bear no distinction from the brutish manner in which Ruaka butchers serve bovine portions for the rapacious consumption of the hungry and dishevelled-just-from-church Kiambu people – with a sort of detachment that one can only admire.
A man, were he to choose to proceed with this blatant disregard for the rules of manhood, must then fetch the ice cubes from his (S Class) refrigerator (one fridge magnet – that cheesy shopping list that no one uses but stares at wondering: “who uses butter in this house?” ”is the lettuce any good?”). Picks the ice cubes and proceeds to place the devil drink onto the Heineken coaster he borrowed from Mercury sometime back.
Such a man would then be behoved to press play on his not-so-expensive Samsung thingie and proceed with the 4th season of Breaking Bad. Appropriate – for it affords such a man the unrequited privacy that his soul craves – the joy of knowing that not only will he absolutely enjoy the said series (imdb ratings and all) but this joy is his alone, for the more series-forward Nairobi folk are well past the Breaking Bad drug. His joy cascades down the 3 day party that Jesse holds in his apartment, with all sorts of narcotics flowing. It bumps past the enigmatic character of Walt, now the pistol totting Walt – and his cheating wife – oh his cheating wife Skylar.
A man must then proceed to doze off on his sofa and wake up in a frightened daze to write this post.