RE: # Alex Wokabi # WTF

 

By close of business February, am getting a kid. Thats the gist of this post. So my friend casually posts photos of his kid, Lewis, on Facebook. I don know it’s his kid so I hit him on the inbox and my fears are confirmed. I proceed to print out the inbox and staple it together with colour prints of the toi, just in case I’m called up someday in a paternity suit. I’ll have evidence. I’m a lawyer, Baden Powell has nothing on me when it comes to being prepared. I’m impressed.

 

This guy was my cube mate in Starehe for my entire final year, and then we did a little accounting in some God forsaken school a year after that. He did comp science/engineering, and I, well, the most awesome degree on the face of the planet. We lost touch for a minute, but baby photos on Facebook are sure to cause any reasonable man to pick up the phone and try get some uncle credentials. I’m calling a guy right now to make me a badge that reads: “Best Uncle in the World“. I consider it a preemptive strike. I swear little Lewis has no idea what’s coming. He will read this someday and think: “Aki Uncle Murimi, you were soooooo awesome. Just as you are now. You had marrrrrd swag, you kept it representing, popping…and all that jazz. You were dope. And you’ve never lost your edge. You’re nothing like Daddy. Now can I borrow your Subaru for the weekend? My friends and I want to head down the Rift Valley for a minute, brush shoulders with kidogo wildlife, rich white folk and we’ll be back in the city before you know it”

Response: “Of course you can’t have the Subaru, take the Probox. That way if you get it dented, I’ll skin you alive, but only for two months!” So Lewis…Wassup! You know what’s funny is that I wanted to write a post today, about my little son (unborn, pending negotiations with the missus – serious stakeholder meetings that require me to furnish her with evidence of medical insurance, mortgage payments for a period not less than three and a half years, a serious logbook and my CBA account balance *cringe*), and what I’d like him to know. So, its a good thing you showed up.

 

When you get to school going age, and you can bet your Uncle Murimi is going to be there on the first day, dotting and chattering about our son, make sure you dont cry. We dont want people thinking Team Lewis has a couple of weaklings. I cried. Cried my bloody eyes out, and when mum left me, I bolted out of that class like a bat out of hell and into my elder sister’s class. Even then I knew that class was not for me – I am a free spirit, I’ve always been – I hate being constrained in buildings with their fresh air conditioned air and relentless background chatter of corporate Nairobi.

 

Read, but not a lot. Books will broaden your mind (the only thing I want to broaden right now is the channel offering of my current DSTV bouquet)

 

Open your eyes. Most of the really important stuff you will not find within the two covers of a book, but in your heart. Discover things for yourself. Listen to what people say but always verify everything.

 

Doubt everything you know. It is the only path to true enlightenment.

 

Don’t jump on the bandwagon and flow away with what is popular and hip. Chart your own course.

 

Be ridiculous, and laugh a lot. There is no better feeling.

 

Put some money aside, there will always be a rainy day.

Help all those you can.

Go to Starehe. All the other schools are like Arsenal training grounds (spaces for children to interact) Starch is the only place you will become a man. Even Kibaki wanted to go there, and we ALLOWED him to be patron, only after he became Commander in Chief. #TrueStory

Buy a cheap phone, and then sit back and listen to people telling you how much you NEED another phone. It’s the stuff that keeps you smiling.

 

Love your girl, with all your heart and cherish and provide for her, just like Uncle Murimi loves Auntie D.N.K.

 

Become a lawyer. We are awesome. #SeriousStuff Argue. Most people have no idea what they are saying and it is your moral duty to inform them wassup. Your IQ, if the IQs of your parents is anything to go by, will shoot through the roof in your early years, and will remain so for the rest of your life.

 

Respect your dad, but only because he’s a decent guy who works hard and does what he wants. You will soon realize that very few people in this world have the courage and resolve to see an idea through. That is what really counts – having the balls to make mistakes and see a really difficult project through. Taking responsibility and all those other buzzwords. 

 

Finally, remember that this world is full of people who do their work  half heartedly, grudgingly and complaining. Do not be like them. Uncle Murimi Out.