The Life of an Intern

 

It’s not an easy one I tell you. Well, it was, for a while, like at the beginning, when I had the buzz all going. But after a while, it is drowned in the monotony of everyday tasks; and the silent realization that you are slightly above the guys who sweep the office and empty the bin.

Today at lunch, I caught myself wishing I was the guy who replaces the Keringet water dispenser. But it soon passed, as I remembered I was to conduct a thorough inventory of the main store, on the other end of the world, singlehandedly. Phew, life couldn’t get any better. To my son (I will not let the #Lewis vibe die), who is reading this with an equal measure of wonder and awe ( “Mum, mum, imagine hata daddy alikuwa intern, na alikuwa anapewa kazi ya kubebabeba mabox around…”) , and who is probably doing his internship as he reads this, there are a couple of things you absolutely have to remember:

1. You were not engaged for your credentials, you may not even have undergone an interview: which reduces your ability to negotiate for an extension of your internship term, or even your salary, if you are being paid in the first place.
2. Your main purpose at work is to make your supervisor happy, and comfortable: Fetching the laundry, bringing surprise gifts, photocopying, reminding them of their appointments, never letting the wife get to the office, but letting the clande through even during a board meeting are the activities that will secure your place in the heart and mind of your boss, and justify the petty cash entry “intern’s wages”.
3. Enjoy it while it lasts, for not only does it look good on your CV, the internet is free, giving you an unbridled opportunity to update your blog on a daily basis.
4. learn the names of your boss’s kids, and always follow up on where they are in their lives, on a nearly weekly basis.
5. The intern is the single individual who least deserves to be at the office party. That having been said, you have earned you spot on the table and no one can tunya you. Get hammered! (Yeah, get hammered but in God’s name do not come to my house high; your mum will have my neck, if not yours.)
6. The boss may be full of crap, but that does not mean the boss aint the boss. Tread very carefully around her feelings, and try say yes to everything she says. And the boss may be male, in which case you should hand in your resignation letter tomorrow; since I don’t know what you are doing employed by a man who has feelings. Unless ofcourse you are working for me, your dad, in which case I have every right to have feelings. Small caveat – if you’re working for me, I’ll probably be a carpentar – so, yeah…Carpentar’s assistant.
7. You may get to ride in a chopper once, when carrying your boss’s laptop and projector. Enjoy every moment of it and pretend the chopper came to pick you up specifically. Yes, and as the pilot screams over the microphone that he may attempt a belly flop somewhere near Lake Naivasha, smile, pray to your God, and tell him just how happy you are to die doing what you love best – carrying the boss’ laptop and projector.
8. Try and forget that you saw your name on the “casual workers” list, testament to the fact that you are not by a long shot indispensable. It’s not such a big deal anyway; plus you weren’t supposed to see that list – soooo…
9. Never attempt to use the office phone to call your girlfriend, or reply to social banter. Everything you do is monitored, and even when you think you are all alone, BigBrother is watchng. Watching and waiting for the one time you will slip; and the wrath of the human resource department will rain on you like that of the Egyptian protesters did on Mubarak.
10. One day you will leave that place, and you would not want to have an eventful exit: Kicking and screaming expletives as the guards drag you out by your ears. Preferably, have a farewell chat with the boss, as you comment about her kids for the last time (damn those kids!) and discuss your future prospects.

But all in all, being an intern (at an organisation whose mandate is exclusively humanitarian) is an eye opener; an experience which gets you thinking, maybe I could do something interesting with my life, meet a couple of cool people, travel the world and see a few things. Maybe. And that’s why I wake up with a smile on my face…who am I kidding, I hate mornings!  It’s really awesome.

In other news, Ben Ali, Mubarak and then now Butaflika. What do I say, a wind of change is blowing across the Arab world, and like the Nile, it cannot be stopped.